Why I Should Be the Next Pope
1) I (barely) remember Latin Mass.
2) My aunt is a nun.
3) I have 12 siblings.
4) I don't have (many) mortal sins on my soul.
5) I have a confirmation name.
6) I had 2 great-aunts who were nuns.
7) I said a lot of novenas.
8) I know limbo isn't a dance.
9) I want to go to Italy.
10) I remember my confirmation name.
I want to be upfront in addressing the two big concerns about my qualifications. First, I'm not a cardinal. Actually I'm not even a priest. But there are limits to "hiring from within" and difficult times require taking risks. Sometimes an "outsider" can bring a fresh view to an organization. Second, I'm no longer Catholic. While I grant I would be a nontraditional choice, it may be time for the church to "outsource" it's leadership role.
If I might be so bold to make a further suggestion: the current secretive method of choosing a Pope is so...well, sixteenth century. The Catholic Church needs money and there is money to be had these days in...reality shows. Unseemly? Well, maybe but think of the outreach opportunities.
Oh, and my confirmation name is Margaret. Pope Margaret? Think about it.