Saturday, July 25, 2015

Annual Garden Performance Report - Three Haiku

Running riotous,
this year's over-achiever's,
the delphiniums.

Failure to meet goal,
hollyhocks disappointed,
wouldn't stay alive.

Steady performers,
the nasturtiums exploded,
fragments of color.

A.H.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Emotional Positioning System

"Siri, I need directions to serenity."
Go two blocks and turn right.
If you get to Bitch Road
you have gone too far.
Continue on Reflection Drive
until it turns into Gratitude Street.
Do not turn down Resentment Avenue.
Your destination is on your right.

A.H. 7-16-15

Monday, July 13, 2015

Fifty-Nine Words (Maybe) of Appreciation About Fifty-Nine Years



1) Better older than deader.
2) The boys: John, Thomas and Oscar (RIP Gracie and Baxter.)
3) Finding the Cream Cheese Musher cookie recipe years ago (the “little black dress” of   
    recipes.)
4) My seven sisters and close friends that are like sisters.
5) Travel and nature experiences.
6) Screw it - I don't care if this is fifty-nine words.

A.H.

Monday, July 6, 2015

How to Spot a Presidential Candidate

Confusing, isn't it, now that presidential candidates almost number in the triple digits? Here is a guide to help you narrow the field when you're wondering - "are they running for president?"

1) They usually have an ego big enough for its own zip code. One candidate's hair also meets this qualification.

2) They use the term "the American people" (TAP for short) more than once a day or even once a week.  For example:  "The American people want less government."
                                   "The American people want more government."
                                   "TAP want no government."

3) They stick out doing ordinary activities. In a bid to appear one of us they may: order at McDonald's, go to the grocery store, pump gas. Note: Anyone saying "aw shucks" should automatically be suspected of candidatehood.

4) They know more about Iowa and New Hampshire than any decent person should. Indeed they know more about these states than Iowans and New Hampshirites. As a former Iowan,  I have seen them lurking in obscure Iowa counties.

A.H.