Confusing, isn't it, now that presidential candidates almost number in the triple digits? Here is a guide to help you narrow the field when you're wondering - "are they running for president?"
1) They usually have an ego big enough for its own zip code. One candidate's hair also meets this qualification.
2) They use the term "the American people" (TAP for short) more than once a day or even once a week. For example: "The American people want less government."
"The American people want more government."
"TAP want no government."
3) They stick out doing ordinary activities. In a bid to appear one of us they may: order at McDonald's, go to the grocery store, pump gas. Note: Anyone saying "aw shucks" should automatically be suspected of candidatehood.
4) They know more about Iowa and New Hampshire than any decent person should. Indeed they know more about these states than Iowans and New Hampshirites. As a former Iowan, I have seen them lurking in obscure Iowa counties.
A.H.
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