Thursday, August 25, 2016

Perfectionitis

Description: the state or condition of being infected with perfectionism.

Symptoms: persistent attempts to achieve the u achievable, holding oneself up to unrealistic standards, bullying oneself resulting in emotional pain, shame and blame.

Prognosis: potentially fatal if left untreated. Even mild cases can suck the joy out of life. No known cure but ongoing treatment prevents relapse.

Treatment: daring to be mediocre. Staring the Not Good Enough beast in the face. Facing the Big Empty and saying "Ha! I'm not afraid of you." Risking vulnerability.

Causes: appears to have both familial and environmental factors.

A.H.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Little Quiets plus haiku

Little Quiets

Shhh...
loud world -
big, brash, bellowing.
Abrasive, angry, agitating.
Enough already.
Need little quiets
to comfort,
provide refuge
from the bloated bluster.
Hush...
loud world
while I listen to
little quiets.
*****

Dipping and diving,
anointing in the birdbath,
the blessing of birds.

A.H.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Emotional Braille

If
the words are
flat on the page
how will I
feel them?
No ridges, texture
or contours-
no guidance.
Need edges, form
and dimension
rising from the page-
emotional Braille
to run my mind over
and find my way
home.

A.H.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Life with the State of Wyoming Inside*

I know -
it's a big state
but I can imagine it
ensconced in my solar plexus,
Cheyenne my belly button,
the Bighorn Mountains
in my breastal area.
Why Wyoming?
Wy not?
A squarish, squat state
fits better than an odd-shaped one
like Florida.
Florida would catch
in my innards.
Dangerous to have Hawaii
in there-
imagine an island
     drifting

                                  off.

*This single line -Life with the State of Wyoming Inside -is written, with no explanation, in my journal in 1992 or 1993. I have no idea what I might have meant. I lived in northern Colorado at the time, close to Wyoming. Wyoming seems open and empty to me - perhaps I was feeling empty or open or both (sometimes they are the same) or not. I am fond of Wyoming.
A,H.
 

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Tired Land

There is a space
in my mind;
a room
full of the clutter
of regrets,
disappointments,
griefs - big and small.
Packed full of
shards of shame,
ends of envy,
wads of worry -
the debris of depression.
I am an
emotional hoarder.
It's time to clean
Tired Land,
free up space,
air out mustiness,
travel lighter.

A.H.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Catch and Release

Nothing
then everything,
on my fishing line
at Montana Creek.
A wild pull,
water interrupted.
Then, on the bank,
a rainbow flashing
across its silver sky
of a belly,
flopping and flailing,
a splendid fish.
Soon,
returned to the creek
but no less beautiful
for the brief encounter.

A.H.

Monday, June 20, 2016

FIID -Facebook-induced Inadequacy Disorder*

Diagnostic Criteria:
- persistent feelings of inadequacy corresponding with Facebook viewing.
-continual comparison with others perceived to be having more excitement and/or adoring families as evidenced by their Facebook postings.
- impaired perception of one's own life and well-being corresponding with decreased enjoyment and sense of well-being i.e everyone else is having more __________(fill in the blank) than I am.

Symptoms must persist for at least one month and can not be explained by another mental or physical disorder.

*not in the actual DSM-5 but I will nominate for inclusion in the DSM -6 (DSM - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.)

A.H.