Ten Topical Reasons for Missing Work
1) I woke up feeling sequestery.
2) My immunes are rebelling. (News article: Salt May Cause Immune Rebellion)
3) The new pope has summoned me to Rome.
4) I'm in quarantine because I have March Madness.
5) Dancing with the Stars could call any minute.
6) I'm afraid if I go outside I'll be hit by a North Korean missile.
7) Dennis Rodman has asked me to be his co-ambassador to North Korea.
The final three have an Alaska twist.
8) My dogs took a wrong turn in the Iditarod.
9) My ferry, the Susitna, is delayed.
10) I can't come in until the Port of Anchorage is fixed.