My Brain on Insurance (Overload)

Remember "This is your brain on drugs?"
Here is my brain on insurance overload:
                         .
Yes,it's the size of a period.
No it hasn't always been that small.
Yesterday, after one too many insurance calls with impenetrable phone trees-
"Press five if you'd rather stick pins in your eyes"
 and a snarly customer disservice agent
and an assault of acronyms-
"Did you get an EOB with your COB?"
my brain exploded-
(didn't hurt as much as expected as my mind was numb)
and then condensed.
Wonder what the ICD -10 code is for that?
Brain shrinkage due to environmental factors?
Please don't suggest I call my insurance company-
I'm SOB* just considering it.


*Shortness of breath

A.H.

Coffee Drinks Only My Husband Orders

"Mud Eye."
Blank look from barista.
"Mud shot."
Contined blank look.
He's done it again -
confounded, conflated, combined,
created new names.
What he really wants is:
A Shot in the Dark
aka Red Eye, Sludge Cup
or Depth Charge.*
Just hope he doesn't request
and get
a Shot in the Eye.

*names for a shot or more of espresso in a cup of coffee - a strong cup of coffee.

A.H.

Crafted Greens

Say what?
Seen on a menu-
"crafted greens."
Does this mean
arugula needlepoint
or perhaps
macrame with lettuce?
Crocheted cress anyone?
Knitting with frisée?
Suspect it is simply
salad.

A.H.

Roger's Shoes*

"Of what avail this restless, hurrying activity, this heavy weight of earthly duties."
Tukaram

Left
by the side
of the bed-
Roger's shoes.
Running shoes
no longer needed.
Nothing needed now,
the collection
of earthly items
shucked off, useless,
reminding those left behind
of what was shed.
What is left behind:
running shoes
and miles
of memories
and love.

*In memory of my brother-in-law Roger Watson who died Nov.1, 2015 from early-onset dementia (Lewy body.)

A.H.

Got a vocation? Get thee to a nunnery!

Growing up a vocation meant a religious calling to be a nun or priest. Even though the days of neat nun habits seem to have passed, it may not be too late for that vocation. Choose from one of these religious orders ( or shall we say disorders?)

The Mony, Mony Monks
These musically-inclined monks have fun with the rhythm method. They draw their inspiration from the Tommy James and the Shondells smash hit -Mony, Mony." Yeah, yeah, feels so good.

Little Sisters of Stromboli
Got a culinary calling? Want to serve via food? This spicy group of sisters is for you. In a nod to convention but with their unique twist, their nun hat is a chef's toque.

Big Brothers of Zamboni
This highly polished group of men appeals to religious sophisticates. They are also known for impromptu hockey games.

Divine Order of Nappists
Patron Saints: Saint Mattress and Pillowicious

A.H.

Zita Air*

Mom!
I'm older-
why does Zita get an airline first?
Just cleared for take-off-
Zita Air,
not named after my sister Zita
but her namesake Saint Zita
who was "a servant who set an example to her co-workers and even her master."
Also "her perseverance through maltreatment was encouraging."
Wouldn't call teasing my sister maltreatment.
Wait a sec -wasn't she the bread-baking saint?
Did I mention we were raised Catholic?
Hmm, wonder if people named Zita
get free flights?


*actual factual information about a new air taxi company in western Alaska.
Quotes are from company owner Danielle Troll in Alaska Dispatch News.

A.H.

Reflections on Real Life

Lost in the fog
of dementia,
"This isn't my real life,"
she said,
the real one
misplaced.
Caught in a storm
of stress and worry,
I think
"This isn't my real life"
just practicing
for the real deal.

Caught in confusion
she asks
"Am I alive?"
Assured her
that indeed she is
and then pondered
her query.

Panicked
she yelled
"I'm unconscious,
call 911!"
Even I knew
paramedics
can't revive
a broken brain
but
"I'm unconscious"
resonated.

********
Not my finest life today
afraid it'll break.
This is my ordinary life,
will use the best one
on special days.

A.H.