Happy Sixtieth Birthday to Peeps!

Mystery

On a table
in breakroom at work:
three purple peeps
and a clove of garlic.

Which came first?
The peeps or the garlic?

Ingredients for a recipe?
Saute one minced garlic clove
in olive oil.
Add three peeps, chopped.
Serve over pasta.
Perhaps not.

Cult ritual material?
Have the three peeps
missing from box of six
already been sacrificed
by someone wearing necklace
of garlic cloves?

Quick! A psychological test:
Complete the set-
Three peeps, garlic clove and
__________________?

You failed.

Performance art piece?
A searing statement
on the impermanence of life?

I consider eating a peep,
moving from observer to participant
but decide to maintain
the mystery.

A.H.

Photo credit: Mary Edmunds
Technology discredit: A.H.

DIVERSITY

When making muffins,
as a rule, I had always
used the Fanny Farmer
Boston Cooking School
recipe calling
for plain cane sugar
and all white flour.
But I have found
that using half or more
stone-ground whole wheat
and dark brown sugar
works a treat.

Ten Topical Reasons for Missing Work

1) I woke up feeling sequestery.
2) My immunes are rebelling. (News article: Salt May Cause Immune Rebellion)
3) The new pope has summoned me to Rome.
4) I'm in quarantine because I have March Madness.
5) Dancing with the Stars could call any minute.
6) I'm afraid if I go outside I'll be hit by a North Korean missile.
7) Dennis Rodman has asked me to be his co-ambassador to North Korea.

The final three have an Alaska twist.
8) My dogs took a wrong turn in the Iditarod.
9) My ferry, the Susitna, is delayed.
10) I can't come in until the Port of Anchorage is fixed.

A.H.

Battling budgets are boggling my mind.

PIE IN THE SKY

Detailed data can delight,
statistics often do shed light,
but there are those who are so smart
they produce a faux pie chart
hiding how their plan diverts
funds no matter who it hurts.

I hope those guys get their just desserts!

Beasts of the Northern Wild

Live with two wannabees
beasts of the northern wild.
Think they're so fierce
stalking redpolls and voles
inches from their nose;
"I'm gonna get you
and eat you up."
Fearsome cats
protected by
patio door.

A.H.

Word Pain

Ouch!
Did he just say "voucherize?'
This penchant for making
nouns into verbs-
where does it stop?
If incentivize isn't banned soon
I'll have to poetize.

A.H.

Why I Should Be the Next Pope

1) I (barely) remember Latin Mass.
2) My aunt is a nun.
3) I have 12 siblings.
4) I don't have (many) mortal sins on my soul.
5) I have a confirmation name.
6) I had 2 great-aunts who were nuns.
7) I said a lot of novenas.
8) I know limbo isn't a dance.
9) I want to go to Italy.
10) I remember my confirmation name.

     I want to be upfront in addressing the two big concerns about my qualifications. First, I'm not a cardinal. Actually I'm not even a priest. But there are limits to "hiring from within" and difficult times require taking risks. Sometimes an "outsider" can bring a fresh view to an organization. Second, I'm no longer Catholic. While I grant I would be a nontraditional choice, it may be time for the church to "outsource" it's leadership role.
     If I might be so bold to make a further suggestion: the current secretive method of choosing a Pope is so...well, sixteenth century. The Catholic Church needs money and there is money to be had these days in...reality shows. Unseemly? Well, maybe but think of the outreach opportunities.
     Oh, and my confirmation name is Margaret. Pope Margaret? Think about it.

Is anyone else irritated at Congress?

They no longer
debate, reflect
and vote.
Now they posture,
hurl vitriol,
emote.
And then with work undone,
they just get up and run.  

M.E.